I Miss You but I Can't Do Anything...

Hello Blog World! How are you? I am definitely fine, but I'm missing someone who doesn't even miss me too. Stupid enough right? Honestly, I'm so blindly in love with this idiot. He is so unperfect, the only thing I like from him is he is super cute. Just it, no else. Am I wrong?

He made a confession yesterday. He loves me???? I AM confuse with you STUPID!!!!! You are SO unpredictable! How you've made me falling crazy with you :(

I miss talking to you. Have a late night conversation with you. Greet you at school. I miss you it doesn't mean that we never meet each other, I'm too shy to greet you first because you're always with your friends. Always. I don't have much time talking to you. That's why I'm afraid of falling over again. Hope you read this, dude. Though I know the possibility is 1:100.

I'm about to loose my mind!

Mr. Wrong.

We are about TOO close.

Sorry for the late posting. I am kinda busy this few days because of unimportant tasks. Bloging from my father's Mac, I'm at Jimbaran right now, listening to the radio with empty head and bit stomachache. Dammit. How are you guys? Hopes fine. I'm doing my tasks well so it done better. Argh thank you suarya lengar, I fucking love you asshole.

I am in love. Not really. I'm not gonna say it here (his friend can stalk my post :x). He is damn cute. For God's sake I love him, okay I like him since I don't know.

EVERYDAY. He texts me. Feels like there are plenty of butterflies dancing in my stomach. He is care with me. He is my friend when I'm alone. He is there when no one ever remember my existents. He makes me laugh when I'd almost forgotten how to do it. He is everything. What is wrong with me, God please? I avoid my self to fall twice but it just happened. Did I fall again and again? This made me crazy! You know crazy? Like you are in the room full of peoples but you feel alone. Yeah I think it's crazy. I don't ever reject his texts. I always respond it. Am I wrong? Kinda bitchy or what? Oh PLEASE!!! T____T

What should I do? Why can't you just tell me how you feel, because the way you're acting is confusing me :( I don't have idea. The only way that I can do is just play the game you've started. I am ready for the consequence. No matter what. I can do this! :)

"A guy and a girl can be just friends. But at one point or another,

They will fall for each other... Maybe temporarily

Maybe at the wrong time.

Maybe too late.

Or maybe, forever." - (500) days of summer.

We Should Be Together, Idiot.

Cinta Lama Belum Kelar. LOL. This isn't a funny story. It was so sad :"

"Love is...trying to be happy for them,

even how much it hurts knowing they can't be with you."

I previously had a boyfriend when I'm on the 2nd grade Junior High School. His name is Andre. He is super dumb and kinda annoying sometime. Did I love him? Haha I don't even know -_- but then, because of something that I couldn't mention (because I've forgot why), we broke up. Just like that. I'm not even sad till crying because a broken-hearted. I feel so usual. Like nothing's happened. Hahaha.

I got a boyfriend again a year later. Broke up again. Until I reach my Senior High School, I met him again in the same school in the middle of the first period. I don't even care he is there. But then, one year after that, I mean in the last August, I broke up with my boyfriend, and getting closer again with Andre. This is because his friends told me he loved me again and regret about the mistakes he'd done to me 3 years ago. So, just like that. Each day, we're getting closer and closer. Until 4 days ago. The day it ended. I asked him why he's seem so freaking different from the first time he said that he loves me. He told me that we never met up at school (you know what, it just because you never come to school and too busy with your friends, jerk!). Hah, lame reasons. I just agreed it "Okay, fine. Don't worry about me. We still friend yeah? Okay, take care of yourself. Don't forget to go to church."

I miss you until now, Idiot. As you know (if you have a Twitter account, you'll understand, maybe) I twitted anything about you. I know, I'm pathetic. Yaaa, you may laughing now. No problem. We've through the days for 16 days. I called it "Love for 16 days" my sad love story ended pathetic. Oyaa, yesterday should be our first date, ndre. Don't you remember it?

I've tried so many times to forget you. My ex-boy try to calm me down, so do my besties. I tried not to re-read our last conversation, but my hands are too stupid to do it. I tried too, not to fall my tears, but I can't. My brain screams "I CAN!!" but my heart says "YOU STILL CARE, STUPID!" Oh God. What's wrong with me? Am I as idiot as him? Please God. I just want to do this letting-go-process as easy as I thought. I am a tough girl. I'm sure I can do this shit. But I've tried anything to forget him, still, It's not working.

"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead

you can look beside you and your best friend will be there."

Friendshit.

I don't understand. I keep smiling, laughing and act like there's nothing wrong in my life. But you're all wrong. Smile and laugh doesn't mean that I'm mean to, but I'm suppose to. I'm weak, not as happy as it seems. But, this is me. If you dislike me, I'll leave you. I can and I'll try. I can't do anything. I'm not beautiful. I'm not smart. And yeah you call me bastards. I don't care if you want to. Best friend doesn't exist. I don't know them anymore. But half of my heart missing them here. Still, I can't do anything. Stay here or loose all of my image. And I don't want to. They're perfect for three. Beautiful, smart, and brave. Perfect. Without me? Ha. There's no any relation. I'm nothing.

If this is the time to leave all of you, I'll do it ;)

Saling ngalah. Keep trusting each other. Bye, DADA. Oh, they're now DAD, or DDA, or ADD. Haha.

Gonna miss you, guys. I quit.